Sunday, June 28, 2026

Runners SLUMP

 Sunday June 28, 2026


Runners Slump Definition: A period when a runner feels a  lack of enthusiasm or drive to train. Often due to fatigue, stress, or lack of interest. 

I DID run my 8 miles this morning. It was an average of 10:29 a mile. I kept telling myself slow, easy steps are all I need to do. I also try to trick to my brain for my long runs. Today the trick didn't work and I blame it on "Runners Slump." Want to know my trick? I bet you do! lol. Basically if you're scheduled for a run in which the distance seems scary you can trick your brain into thinking you're not doing that much. For example today I had to run an easy 8 miles. HA, not easy today but back to the point. 

I start with telling myself all I have to do is run 4 miles out and the first mile is the "warmup" so then I tell my brain really just 3 miles. I remind myself when that voice in my head tells me "its too hot, your muscles hurt, turn around" that all I have to do is get to mile 4. Nice easy slow steps. By the way long slow runs actually prove the most beneficial. When I reach mile 4 I trick my brain even more telling myself I did the work now I get to go home. Well that means I am 4 miles from home. As long as I keep telling myself that every step I take albeit slow I am one step closer to home. Then at about mile 6 today I got a 2nd wind or maybe my first because I can see the familiarity of how close I am to home which typically gives me an extra pep in my step so to say. So there you have it. My trick for those long runs. Sometimes it leaves you crying in joy at the end of a long run feeling so proud of yourself and other times it gets you to your finish point not necessarily crying tears of joy but so incredibly thankful that you didn't give in and listen to the voice in your head that insists on telling you to stop. Since I am on a rant here is one more thing. In my experience if your body is telling you to stop running, not because of an injury or something life threatening its actually EASIER to keep running even if your pace slows then to stop. Especially when you still have quit a lot to cover. When you stop and walk in my opinion your muscles tense up, you start to feel the pain of all the work you just put in. 

Perhaps it's like a craving for alcohol. They say a craving for alcohol lasts approximately 20 minutes. If you can distract yourself or fight through it without giving in you will see it was worth it. Similar to running you have that voice in your head saying "if you stop you will get relief" but the thing is.... when you stop running and start walking its very hard to start running again. And if you do start running again that haunting voice of " get relief stop running" will visit your head more frequently. 

See, the thing is I can endure the pain of running. Today for example I did not want to run. I had no motivation for it. But it knew I had to do it as am smack in the middle of training for a 20 miler in September. The voice of telling me to stop was not letting up. I stopped once, to pee, and hydrate at mile 4. Then I ran the last 4 home. I can overcome that voice. I can say fuck you to that voice. But with alcohol its a different story. That is my work. Because I can tell you that the urge to have a shot after a run is one of the most enjoyable experiences. I JUST RAN 8 MILES! yes of course I am going to treat myself with a 2 shots of tequila. The alcohol voice I feel I don't have as much control over as I do with the just walk instead of run voice. Hence my last blog regarding drinking ect. 

This is my update for today. I did treat myself after my run. I don't have much regrets. Maybe I should give myself more grace instead of always trying to do the RIGHT thing. What even is the right thing anymore???


anyone?


Love to all whom are looking out for me. 

- H

Saturday, June 27, 2026

What The Health. . .

Saturday June 27, 2026


Dear Universe, 

Life has definitely made me start thinking what the hell am I doing.... In a way I feel as though I am being forced into a new chapter. This new chapter seems to favorite negatives more than positives. Maybe that's why I am utilizing this space to figure out how the hell I can improve my time that's left here on this humbling earth. 

I am 38 years old and have spent the last 5 years struggling on and off with alcohol. I actually never thought I had a problem. Sometimes I wonder if my easily persuadable mind has succumbed to other peoples opinions. Others would say I am in denial. Honestly I have no fucking clue. What I do know is that I have lost the majority of my family due to disagreements around drinking. Now before I say anymore I will say this is a topic that makes me feel defensive as fuck. I say that because to this actual day I STILL BELIEVE that I did nothing extreme to cause my sisters to stop talking to me. The whole story will come out sooner or later. Not sure if I have the capacity in this moment to go through it all. I do think getting it out on paper will prove something beneficial... right? 

I digress. I am 38 and feel 58. I think I love long distance running. Lately, though it just feels like another chore I need to cross off my to do list. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I do my best to not let those diagnoses choose how I want to live my life. Running is painful now. I am always so sore even after several days of rest or light aerobic training. I was supposed to run 8 miles today and I honestly have no desire. My plan is to do the run tomorrow morning. Weightloss has been a never ending battle regardless of how much I run. My hair is thinning, and my lust for life well is lacking ....alot..... 

I do my best to not drink during the week. Sometimes that slips but it never gets to the point where I am drunk and disorderly. Its one mini shooter here and one there. My intention I guess pain relief. Pain from all the grief of loosing my family as well as physical pain from fibromyalgia. 

I guess I just want to be healthier. I want more for my life than just taking care of my kiddos, cleaning the house, and running. I want more but I feel so exhausted all of the time with little to no desire to start or try something new. I just want to feel OK again. I don't need perfect, no that's impossible. I just want to feel less pain, more desire for living life and to feel healthy and confident in my own skin. 

In a lot of ways I am seeing that I am in a fork in the road. I can keep living in pain and wallowing in depression or I can say FUCK YOU - I WANT MORE! The question is how do I start. I used to be so good at the health stuff. I guess the answer to the question is I am starting here. It's not easy to write hard shit. At least for me its something that I always could never maintain because writing uncomfortable truths makes me have to feel those truths that I push down way deep. So this is a start yeah? I will be back with an update to see if I did indeed do my 8 miles tomorrow. Also I am going to keep opening up about my personal issues, growth and setbacks. 

Thanks for hearing me, makes me feel like I am never alone.